Yee haw, Milwaukee! Food Slam tickets are SOLD OUT! and WMSE is thrilled that the ninth annual Slam is going to be the biggest, funnest, and successfulest Slam to date. I caught up with Yokel Local outlaw Big Sam Spurhog and asked him to nail down the answers to a few FAQs about the food event that’s gonna rock your taste buds this very night. As always, Big Sam was initially terse, surly, and reluctant as hell, but he started talkin’ freely once I lubed him up with some fat cigars and a couple bottles of whiskey.
EH: You excited for the Food Slam tonight, Big Sam?
BSS: [Lighting a cigar and throwing back a shot] I reckon it’ll be ’bout as good a time as when I met up with them Carson twins out on the ole Carson ranch. Old man Carson was gone a-speculatin’ ‘n I struck a little gold myself.
EH: That’s great, Big Sam. Hey, the Slam’s at the Grohmann Museum, right? What do you know about parking around there?
BSS: ‘Round those parts you pony up real quiet so no one hears you comin’. You keep your horse from brayin’ ‘n you take ‘em by surprise ‘n show ‘em who’s boss.
EH: That’s not the way I heard it. I heard there’s gonna be free parking in the MSOE lots located between Broadway and Milwaukee just north and east of the Grohmann.
BSS: [Pickin' his teeth] Could be.
EH: What do you know about free drinks at the Slam?
BSS: That ‘un’s easy. Just smash your last bottle an’ start punchin’.
EH: That doesn’t sound right. What if you bring two or more nonperishable food items and donate ‘em to the Hunger Task Force? I heard the fine folks at WMSE’ll give you a free beverage ticket.
BSS: That’ll work too, I reckon.
EH: You gonna do any bidding, Big Sam?
EH: I think Annie’s service is a Brazilian wax, Big Sam. I’m not sure that’s what you had in mind. I bet Martita’s prize pack is more your speed. It’s two bottles of Martita’s Guiltless Margarita Mix, a bottle of tequila, and four margarita glasses.
BSS: Hoo-doggie! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!
EH: So you ready to do this thing, Big Sam? This Food Slam thing?
BSS: I’m riled up like a groom on his weddin’ night! I’m a-rearin’ to go!
EH: All right, Big Sam. Kick them spurs. I’ll see you at the Slam!